subject line: springtime fear.

 

philadelphia, pennsylvania

The other week I got drunk at a bar, and I didn’t realize this battle that was occurring inside of me until the next morning when I reread the texts I drunkenly sent. I was talking to a friend who lived across the country. It wasn’t the first time that I had drunkenly talked to a friend who lives on the west coast, because they are bound to be awake at those weird hours in the east coast night. I told her I met a boy, and I was afraid that I liked him too much. She told me that fear is a good thing, and she told me to walk into it. She told me to be open and vulnerable. This is a thing that I am still struggling with weeks later. I have closed myself off to so many people because I have believed that they are undeserving of my time. But I met someone who is deserving of my time. It might be once in a lifetime that you meet someone who you’re afraid to fall asleep next to because you don’t want to miss a second of being with them. It might be once in a lifetime when you meet a complete stranger that it’s so easy to fall asleep next to because the scent of their skin is so familiar, they just wreak of sweet dreams.