subject line: orbits.

 

athens, georgia 

A date that was supposed to be a couple of hours turned into 8 and a relationship that was supposed to be for a night turned into 5 months. I know that’s not long, I know that but in college when you live across the street that time seems to be so much longer. It feels like time is so infinite here because we don’t sleep and we’re allowed to ignore our responsibilities to stay up talking in the truck for hours with the boy who’s begging to be let in.

And so I fell for him. I fell for his family, his dimples, the way he sang in the car, the way he made me feel so loved and important. I could tell you the exact moment I fell and then, a few days later, the exact moment he didn’t catch me. He understood me like no one ever has and he claimed he was falling too but then I found out there was another girl in his orbit.

What was I supposed to think? I wanted to be enough to change him. He’s an amazing guy and I want the best for him but I wanted that to be me. God’s changed me through him. I’m not the bitter girl with the cold tough heart anymore. I’m now a girl who writes love letters and lays it all out there when she’s fighting. I’m the girl who drunk cries in the bar. I’m the girl who is hopeful about him because I’ve been where he is and I want to love him through it. I know I deserve to be the only girl a guy sees and I deserve a better love but I’m so much better than I was before him. So why the hell would God turn around and break me with the same tool he used to chip the ice off my heart?