subject line: are you going to marry her soon?


orlando, florida

I googled your name again tonight. Because that’s what I do, more often than I don’t. You don’t have a Facebook- remember how I said I always loved that about you? Well, it’s harder to face that fact— your unsearchable timeline— when I just want to know how you are doing. I just want to know that you’re doing okay. That you’re treating her right.

I found out in October that she knows who I am. She knew who I was all along. And I am the face that haunted her memory for the last four years. And it broke my heart to know I’d broken the heart of someone I’ve never met. Her. Your one and only. She emailed me and she asked me to just tell her what happened. She needed that closure. But I could not respond.

You never told her about me. You’ve lied to her this whole time and you never got the guts to just man up and tell that girl, the one you’re probably going to spend the rest of your life with, that you once told me, after getting off the phone with her, that I was the kind of girl who made you feel like Christmas morning. I was the girl you waited for, even though you knew it should not be so.

But she knows. And I wonder if you know that she reached out to me after all this time. And I try to search Facebook and Google to see if you two are still together— if you’ve put a ring on her finger yet.

I hope you tell her the truth one day. For you and for me and for her, I hope you tell her the truth. She deserves the know the number of times you called my name and asked me to stay.