subject line: if we were a movie.


seattle, indiana

The opening scene would be me telling my mom, “this is the trip that I am going to meet my husband on”. And she would laugh and so would I, because I was a 16 year old girl who had no idea what love was, going on a 5 week mission trip with a strict “friends only” rule.

Then it would fade into the first time you and I locked eyes on that old church parking lot, the moment that you knew. Our time spent together in Costa Rica would flash across the screen probably to a Ben Rector song since we both love him. It would show how we got closer day by day, laughing, talking and praying together, both secretly falling in love with the other. I’d probably have to hold my breath at the part when you told me that you liked me on that last night in Costa Rica when we were all saying our goodbyes, and I’d remember all too well how you grinned and blushed like a little boy the moments before you spilled your heart out to me. Then it would be us at the Chicago airport the next day, my family has just arrived and I’m filled with conflicting emotions. I am anxious to meet up with my family but you following close behind with tears in your eyes and hug me like you never will be able to again. The scene fades as we head separate directions, you towards Seattle and me towards Indianapolis.

The next few months would be played out showing a few phone calls and text messages between that always seem to go something like this “I miss you like crazy” or “stupid distance”. Then the phone calls and texts would slowly start to fade, as we both realized that a 2500 mile long distance relationship realistically wouldn’t work and it wasn’t doing either of us any good to live in the hope of future possibilities. So the daily texts soon become yearly “Happy Birthday!” posts on Facebook. We both try our hand at dating other people but it never seems to work out for either of us.

Then the screen goes black and “5 years later” flashes across the screen.

I’ve imagined this scene so many different ways, you find yourself in Indianapolis or I find myself in Seattle, we find ourselves in the same coffee shop, lock eyes and embrace. Words like “it’s been so long”, “I’ve been waiting for you” and “I love you” are exchanged as the scene then changes to our wedding and we live happily ever after.

The End.

But our lives are not a movie, no matter how many times I try to convince myself that I will be the exception and have a movie-worthy love story. The reality is, its been 4 years since I last saw you and since you told me you loved me. And here I am, still hoping and praying that someway, somehow I will see you again, and we will end up together. If you find this email, I want you to know that not a day has gone by these past 4 years that I haven’t thought about you. I want you to know that I still love you and I always will. I want you to know that I am still waiting for you. I want you to know that you made me believe in soulmates, and I know that you are mine, Ben.