subject line: goodbye, september.

 

agloe, new york

Dear September,

You’ve always been a tough one. There’s a reason why we can find you wedged into the verse of a Taylor Swift song. “September saw a month of tears, and thanking God that you weren’t here to see me like that.” You always manage to give the world a feeling that something is dying, that summer is taking its last breaths and soon the air will feel different and things will never be the same.

I try, September. I try to believe that you are full of promise and hope and life. But you always don’t seem to look like anything more to me than a handful of goodbyes and listening to sad songs on a bathroom floor. That’s what I consider you to be, September, just one goodbye after another. Just a gaping hole where my favorite people resided in until time, and you September, made us part. You come around and you always have a way of making me feel unsettled, like nothing makes sense anymore. You are change. Hard, painful, manipulating kind of change that has always ripped me away from the people and the places that know how to make me feel like I’m home.

Sure, there have been times when you have held magic, but I am never too sad to see you go, September. You are uncomfortable, and you would think after all of the tears that you have held, I would have drowned you away by now. You have a way of making me miss things in a way that none of the other eleven months have ever been able to do. You hurt me deeply every single time you come around. At your core you hold darkness, no matter how much light I try to bring in. But you are gone now. And I no longer have to write your name down in the date section at the top of my papers. And I am free from you.

Goodbye, September.